Christians Dating Posted July 13, 2010

As a young, single Christian woman I know that eventually I will meet someone who catches my attention, he may ask me out on a date. Notice I said he because I am a bit old fashion and personally don't believe that a woman should ever run after any man. Eventually (no time in near the future) I would like to get married and have children of my own. As a young woman who has grown up in church I have seen so much foolishness, that is nowhere near close to God nor the bible. The prospect of dating or eventually my husband finding me can seem a bit odd. Notice I did say eventually a husband, because as Christians we don't co-habitate prior to marriage, we don't test the water out before we swim (fornicate), we don't feel the car before we purchase it (participate in ANY activity that will arouse the flesh and thereby lead to fornication and eventually hell if you do not REPENT and REPEL.) Repel means to stop, repent means to ask for forgiveness, because if you repent but don't repel (stop) you really have not repented, for which you can go to HELL. Yes I said it, no I am not taking it back and if you have a problem with it open your bible and READ IT.       Unfortunately we are living in a society where Christians are getting divorced at higher rates than non-Christians. Many of my Christian colleagues would secretly tell you that they have not seen an example of what they call a healthy marriage. As woman we are often subconsciously, taught somehow we are less than if we are single. The double standard is that if a man says "I am waiting on God for my spouse" we think "Oh he must be anointed, what a man of God" but if a woman says something like "I need to focus on my career or school first, I need to come into my own as a woman first" We look at her as if she has low self esteem and something is wrong with her. That same woman is looked on as if she is a snob. Having standards and not willing to compromise does not make you a snob it makes you a true woman of God, as long as you are willing to possess what you expect in someone else. Meaning don't have your laundry list of wishes about what he must have and you don't possess those same attributes. For example I love me, I have come to love who I am, I love what I stand for, the destiny God has called me to, what I want out of life, and generally my heart is for the King of Kings. Because I have been in process for a long time, I have and continue to come into my own. Yes, I have had some struggles along the way, and am continuing to grow. This year within itself has been a major transforming year for me. But the point is I LOVVEEEE me. There is no one that can beat me being me. So anyone that would catch my attention would be someone who reminds me of myself and possesses the same qualities that I possess. Because I believe opposites may attract but they do not last.       So I have composed a list of kingdom principles that are imperative for Christian singles, who will eventually get married. We are making a declaration that we will not settle for less. We will not repeat cycles of our history (generational curses). We will walk into our kingdom assignment. We will not get divorced because we are prepared. We will not……. (you add on the rest based upon your life experiences.) We will not repeat, not repeat the cycles of abuse women, WE WILL NOT!               These are the principles of kingdom dating in no particular order with the exception of kingdom principle number 1, which important to any and all Christians.       #1 God will always connect you with people based upon your assignment. If you don't know your kingdom assignment then you are not ready for a relationship or marriage. This is very important because hooking up with someone who is not apart of your kingdom assignment will cost you your kingdom assignment and your destiny. This does not to imply that you will be ministering together but it means that your divine assignment is the same. For example you could be called to be an intercessor or counselor for which is often done in secret but your kingdom assignment is the same. That does not mean that because one public ministry is out in the open and the other is in private that their kingdom assignment is different.       Scripture reference:Amos 3:3 Can two walk together unless they are agreed?       On another note: how many women end up marrying a man who is in ministry and they have an anointing, but they are reduced down to being the cute lady who sits in her cute dress, but also sits on her divine assignment. I call them princesses, I am not a princess. There is nothing wrong with being a princess if that is what you are supposed to be and are content with. But if you are called to be something else and you are reduced down to a being only a princess that is a sad thing. I know I am being harsh, but it is the truth. I am not saying being a ministers wife is bad, but often women who have not walked into their divine assignment end up feeling resentful and abused, because they have to sit and watch their husband minister while they are only the side chick. If you are fulfilling your divine assignment that is fine, but often women of God will hook up with a man based upon walking in the same assignment but she is reduced down to only being a pedestal woman, who is like the husband’s tailored suits, she is only their to make him look good. So it is important that there be a God connection and not a man made one.       Here is a quote from a previous post entitled A Woman:     I do not want to sacrifice my purpose, my dreams, my ambitions or career for another’s. I am not a pretty princess content to sit on the side lines and watch my man fulfill his dreams and purpose while mine is not relevant and while not fulfilling my own. I am not a notch in someone else’s belt or the pedestal sent to fulfill someone else’s dream. I see any relationship as a partnership, not a dictatorship. My opinions matter and I do express them. My life matters and I will not settle for less.       #2 READ PLEASE!   This is very important for women called into ministry. How does this man see a woman in ministry? Does he value the anointing that you are called to walk in as much as you value his? The absolute LAST thing you want to do is to feel stuck, stippled or oppressed because you married someone that does not support you in ministry but only expects you to support them. Which is why when you meet a potential mate it must be based upon God's divine plan for your life and apart of your divine assignment.       When you meet someone that is apart of your divine assignment, (this is inclusive of friends, family etc) you should always feel as if you are growing into being more than who you are not less. You should never have to convince someone of who you are? If it is a divine connection they will know.       How many women have hooked up with the wrong person and the next thing you know they are worlds apart from their divine destiny. If you start hanging around someone and they subtract from your life, meaning you can't continue to go after God. (GET AWAY) This is not a divine connection this is a soul tie, which is the same a soul mate both are demonic and meant to take you away from your divine assignment. I will write further about this in a minute.  If you really look back over your life and consider where things took a turn in the opposite direction from what you where called to go it is always a direct result of who you came into relationship with.       This is very important for Christian men as well. Men are very visual. But if you are a man of God, God must still connect you with someone who is divinely assigned to your life. That is not to say that you hook up with someone that you don't find attractive because your divine assignment is the same. It means the outward appearance should not be the final say in your dating process. No it is not in your best interest to hook up with a princess either.       Notice there is a difference between a church girl and a woman of God. A church girl is a woman, who has been raised in church, wears all the church attire, shouts the right shout and speaks in the right tongue enough to get your attention but if God reveals to you the truth about her she has no real substance to her. She doesn't know how to pray, can't really fast. So consequently hooking up with a woman like this may satisfy your flesh but will never satisfy you. (spirit, soul and body). If a man is really going after the things of God, and he hooks up with this type of woman he will constantly have to be like Moses and leave the glory cloud to deal with her emotions which were not in check from the first place.       Scripture says irons sharpens iron. Psalms 27:17. So it is important for a real man of God to hook up with a real woman of God. A real woman of God, has her self together, above all she is a worshiper who is walking in her kingdom assignment. The main way to distinguish the difference between a church girl and a woman of God is that church girls are always trying to go after you, but a real woman of God will never. This is the type of woman who while everyone else is after you she is not, nor will she. A woman of God has perfected her relationship with God and again when you meet her the anointing that she walks in causes you to go after God in an unprecedented way because your passions for God and the things of the spirit are the same remember what Amos 3:3 said. There is no need to be intimidated by a real woman of God. She is who she is and does not apologize for being strong and beautiful. She is not meant to compete with you, she and you walk together in complete unison.         #3 We all should no by now that the bible says clearly in 2 Corinthians 6:14 that you are not to date unbelievers. Clearly. No God does not call us to missionary or evangelical dating. But the scripture on being unequally yoked also means spirit to spirit. You are not to hook up with someone who is spiritually not on the same level as you are. So if they just got saved three years ago and you been saved twenty years that is a indication of being unequally yoked. Not that the length of time matters, more so spiritual weight matters. If you are called to carry a heavier weight in the spirit and your potential spouse doesn't even understand spiritual things you do have a problem. Often times the heavier the weight of glory you are called to, you must be around people that can handle that. Satan will always use the people closest to you to get to you if you are not careful. So ideally a spouse should be someone who is an intercessor and understands how to do battle in the spirit. For example since apart of my ministry is Deliverance Ministry, I can't be hooking up with someone who does not understand demons and spiritual warfare. I will hurt myself and that person as well because they have no real ability to ward off the devils attacks.       #4 For women this is very important. Scripture says:     I Corinthians 11:3 (NKJV)     3. But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.       Ephesians 5:22,25 (NKJV)     22.Wives, submit to your own husband, as to the Lord       25. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.     I must say it but clearly the bible says that a wife is to submit to her husband. This can be hard for many of us a single woman, because many of us were raised in woman ran households or if you are like me even though my father was in the house. My mother was always the spiritual head, while my father was barely their let alone saved. I love my dad and have no hard feelings towards him. He is the only physical father that I will ever have. But the truth of the matter is that if it had not been for my mother, I would be absolutely not saved today and be no where in my life.         The point is often again women hook up with men even while dating that they have no business. This person's spiritual life cannot hold a penny to theirs. And if while dating someone you are spiritually unyoked, you will be unyoked when you get married. I think when we as women read this scripture there is often fear involved. We are now so strong, independent and are so anointed. Because we generally have had few examples of healthy relationships, this scripture can appear oppressive in someway when it is not meant to be that way.       When I think about my own life it was when I completely submitted to God that my life had changed so much for the better. So my physical husband ought to be the direct reflection of my spiritual life with Christ. Scriptures says he should treat me as Christ treats the church which is His bride. When I look back over my life, Christ has never made me feel anything less than a queen. He treats me so good and there is nothing He won't do for me. This is the relationship I should have with my potential husband.       Again often times women end up hurt because they hook up with someone who is again not on their level spiritually and is certainly not the reflection of the church and wonder why their destiny alludes them? I never have had to argue with my husband (Christ Jesus) because I trust Him fully. I never have to worry about Him disrespecting me. I never have to convince Him that I am a woman of God and what I will not put up with.       Ideally a real woman of God wants you to walk in your authority as a real man of God. But I believe most woman want to feel safe. Not necessarily physically safe but more so emotionally and spiritually safe. Now a days real Christian women are waiting on God like never before, yes we have seen a lot in our childhoods, have had to deal with hurt feelings of not having a father in our lives or real men. So we are content to wait on God, before we ever put ourselves in the same positions we grew up with. We have had to get our own inner healing and are now walking in our lives as whole beings. And when you have been delivered from your past, you certainly are not so quick to move into foolishness in your future. We want to move forward not backwards. So most woman are saying in their hearts, “is this person really someone I can trust”. "Do they respect me? "       Now a days women like myself are highly educated, living on their own and can take care of themselves. For me, I am not impressed by someone’s ability to preach, prophesy or work miracles. Sorry guys but this means absolutely nothing to me. I can preach, prophesy, and cast out demons out on my own. Who are you really when no one is looking? Are you a man of integrity behind closed doors?       Many are like me who have been raised in church, we have seen folks jump, shout, speak in tongues and prophesy accurately, leave the church and head straight back to the fornicating bed they left before coming to church. So the outward stuff means nothing. The devil can preach and prophesy and he is still promised eternal damnation. And so are you if you keep living a lie.       But who are you really when no one is looking? The truth of the matter is a real woman of God has real perception by the Holy Spirit. God will tell a real woman of God who you are before you ever open your mouth. Sin has a spiritual scent, that people who are truly kingdom minded can sense on someone. Those people who keep participating in lifestyles that are not of God, but still preaching, jumping and shouting are only fooling themselves. You can fool some people some of the time, but a real woman of God, can spot a fool a mile away. And no we don't have to have kissed a few frogs to know one when we see one, the Holy Spirit will tell you all things.       Note if someone keeps trying to get you to do things that are opposite from the scripture or that you know if God was here you would not do. THAT PERSON IS NOT OF GOD. It doesn't matter how much they say they love God or prophesy. Don't judge a person based upon their gift, but judge them based upon their fruit and yes ladies and gentlemen according to the scripture we DO judge.       John 7:24 (NKJV)     24. Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment.         Often times people use the don't judge scripture wrongly which really irritates me. God never indicated in the bible that you can't tell people what is right and warn them of eternally damnation never. Most of the time people who say this are in sin and don't want to hear the truth, so they say "don't judge". If that is the one scripture that we have memorized it's that one, but according to this scripture we are to judge with righteousness. Meaning judge not by the physical appearance but with the spirit.       This is important in Christian dating because often times you have to call it as you see it. (spiritually see it) Call a demon and demon. When you don't call it as you see it you end up being deceived. Remember ignorance is when you don't have the knowledge of something so you do it in not knowing. Deception is when you know something but keep doing it hoping that it will end up being right which it will never. God WILL hold you accountable for what you know.       So if he/she is not it, don't try to hang around them until they become it. If it is not God's will it will never be. God won't change His will for your life because you cry. He wants' your obedience.       #5 Set Boundaries       When you finally meet someone and you finally find yourself in love or engaged. You have to set boundaries. Don't use your Christianity, or years of being saved to justify putting yourself in foolish situations. You know what they say about a woman who meets her fiancé at his house for dinner and pray meeting? A fornicator? It is a joke but very real.     Yes you are Christian, but are also a human being that lives on planet earth, not in heaven. So if you are going maintain your holiness then you set boundaries in relationship. I am old school but I believe that kissing a man who is not your husband is wrong and will only arouse your flesh. You should never be absolutely alone in either ones home. You should not listen to an old slow jam in a parked care. (yes you can still fornicate in a car so I heard) Yes, I am being sarcastic, but you'd be surprised the stupidly of so called Christians. You definitely should not be alone in each other rooms. If I even have to mention this to anyone, you know you are sooooo wrong. Come on people this is just common sense.       You can figure this one on you own. I am convinced that when you really love God, you don't need anyone telling you anything. Your love for God will always show in the way you behave around others. Always. So if you are participating in a lifestyle that is not of God, then you don't love Him. Yes, I said it again, no again I will not apologize and yes if you have a problem with it again you simply need to open your bible and READ IT.       By the way just to stir you in the right direction it says if you love Him, you will keep His commandments.       John 14:15   This is common sense but again you'd be surprised. No absolutely no you do not get credit cards, checking accounts, cell phones etc in each others names or joint accounts. This is a privilege reserved for married people. If you are not married then you have no business doing such things. This is something that typically people who are not spiritually mature do. They have unbridled emotions and do whatever feels nature, but real Christians live by the spirit.       #6 Soul Tie/Soul Mate as a real Christian you want neither.       A soul tie and soul mate is the same thing. The soul mate is a intricate connection based upon your soul. But for Christians when God connects you with someone it will first be based upon His spirit, the other connections come later after marriage, so no you don't want a soul tie or a soul mate. Understand that God has a prophetic future for you and so does the devil. God will speak to you in open dreams, visions about your prophetic future and the devil will speak to you in prophetic dreams and visions. One is meant to lead to your divine destiny in God, the other is meant to lead you to your life of stagnation and far away from God's assignment on your life.       When God is getting ready to you bless you into your divine assignment He will connect you with people, while requiring you to disconnect with other people. So does the devil, he will connect you with your soul mate/tie, the next thing you know a spiritual abortion takes place. By the way the devil will always disconnect your from people that God it using to position you into your destiny. Remember people who have spiritual authority over you are not trying to hurt you, neither are they jealous of your foolishness. It is not a matter of hearing a voice but determining who's voice did I hear and was it from God or a familiar spirit otherwise known as the devil imitating God. Remember God will never lead you to confusion never. So if you hook up with someone and you are constantly arguing, you keep telling them about your standards, hopes and dreams and they have a problem with that. That this is a controlling spirit (demonic), not from God. God will always speak directly to you concerning His word. His voice is always preceded and proceeded by His peace. If you have no peace then it is not God.       Truth be told I am so saved, that before I go out on one date with anyone I would pray about it first to get God's permission first. That is not to say you go on a three day concecration before going on a date either. Use your discernment. A real woman of God only needs to use her discernment. She will see you coming across the room towards her and say, "alright Jesus what do you think?". You say that is crazy, but I have no time to waste and refuse to put up with anyone's foolishness. I have learned that the Holy Ghost will save you from a lot of foolishness.       # 7 Are you really ready? Leave and Cleave       If you are under the age of 22. You have never lived on you own. You don't know what it's like to pay a mortgage or rent on your own. You have never had an electric bill sent in your name, with expectations that you were to pay this bill on your own. You don't have a career. There is a difference between a job and a career. If you have a job working 4 to 12 at the 24 hour Wal-Mart, you are not ready for marriage. I am not dissing any of these places in fact I worked at multiple retails stores during my undergrad years so I could work while going to school, but these types of jobs don't financially sustain you. In fact if you are at a job and you have to request hours or look at a schedule to see when you are coming to work next you are NOT ready to marry anyone. (Unless you work as a nurse.) No I am not a gold digger, like I said I take care of myself. But finances is the leading cause of divorce in a marriages today. So if I have to struggle, I struggle by myself, not with a family.       I always say it is one thing to play like you grown and pretend like you want to get married when you are living in your momma and daddy's house. It is another thing entirely to be grown. You are not grown when you turn eighteen years of age, you are grown when you can support yourself and have the spiritually maturity to make wise decisions based upon your own care.       Mark 10: 7 (NKJV)    For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife.         So if you cannot afford to live on your own, you are not eligible for marriage. According to the bible living with your parents is not a option. Living in someone's ghetto is not an option either, that is only for people who are not prepared.       If you really heard from God He will prepare you. I don't care if you are a homeless man living on the street. If God told you you are going to get married, He will make away. If He has to He will have you to fill out an application for a fully furnished two bedroom apartment when you don't have a dime in your pocket and you still get approved, with no money down. When it is God's will He will always make provisions. If God has not made a way then, He is clearly telling you that either this is not My will or this is not My timing.           Don't be fooled. God is a God of preparation. He prepares you prior to doing anything in your life. So as a woman of God who lives on her own and pays her own bills. No we can't live in your/ with your parents or my parent's home. No it does not matter how good your momma can cook. I need to go forward not backwards. And if you are reading this same post you should state the same.       So when someone is requesting your hand in marriage and they give you promises with no evidence then your answer is no. You have got to show me something I could go on, but the point is you don't prepare for marriage when you get married. You prepare for marriage while you are single. Successful marriage is always related to being successfully single. For singles it is God's will that we remain single until His appointed time. It is in your single life that you find out who you are, begin working in your ministry and have a close relationship with your Father in heaven. You will never find yourself in a man, you find yourself in God and in due season He will bring the man to you.       I once heard a man of God say you just need to go out and find someone, which I can never agree with. The bible clearly states that the steps of a righteousness man are ordered by God. So if He orders my steps than why can't He direct my path to my future mate. Psalms 37:23.             And yes, you can be content, happy and whole in your single life. I am truly whole and happy. Not waiting on someone to rescue me. That does not mean I don't want to get married or have an attitude problem at the prospect of marriage. It does however mean that I would rather wait on God to send me a mate and be happy, than to step out of His will and be miserable.       If you have a problem with your flesh, being single has nothing to do with that because the bible still says in Galatians 5:16 that if you live by the spirit you won't fulfill the lust of the flesh. So if you have a problem putting your flesh under subjection then you are not living your life as a spirit led Christian. Simple as that. So no we Christian singles are not hot in our pants waiting for someone to come and rescue our flesh. You don't marry for sheets. Marriage is not an answer for lust. Someone that has a spirit of lust in them, even when you marry them will never be satisfied because you cannot respond to a demonic spirit with your flesh. You still must deal with this spirit by the Holy Spirit.       I am definitely not going to get married because I have a problem with my flesh I will get married because this is a divine connection from God. Remember marriage is a ministry. Just like any other ministry you have to be prepared for it and you also have to continue to work at it.                 I remember hearing this story when I was a little girl. It is a true story:       -A man who had been in ministry was going through a divorce from his wife who he loved very much. The wife and children were very bitter and angry towards the man. You see he was in ministry. He would go here, there and everywhere ministering. He would wake up in the middle of the night to go and pray for other people, leaving his wife at home with the kids. He thought he was doing a great job as a minister because people were getting delivered everywhere he went. The man could not understand what was going on. So he cried out to God in anguish he said, "Why God I thought if I took care of your house you would take care of my house?" God responded by saying, "No son I was going to take care of My house it was your responsibility to take care of your house, that I gave you."       You see marriage is indeed a ministry, that you must be prepared for. A wife and a family are not the side pieces on your mantel to satisfy your flesh. The most important ministry God will ever call you to is the marriage ministry. It is more important than the ability to operate in the prophetic or apostolic ministries. I believe the reason why so many great men and women of God are falling by the wayside when it comes to their marriages is because of this example given. It is never God's will to have you ministering to others more so than you minister to your own family.       Lastly as singles it is important to note we do not date. Yes, I said it we do not go here there and everywhere to find a mate. Adam never went looking for Eve God saw Adam needed a wife and He arranged for her arrival. And we know that Eve certainly did not go looking for Adam. It was a divine set up by God.       The point is God is our match maker. I heard a minister tell the story in church a while back. He was engaged to a woman at the church. While in worship the Lord spoke to Him and ,"said you'll be happy, but you'll never be satisfied". So the man broke off his engagement. The woman although saved and in church was not the one for him.       I once heard of another young lady who was dating a guy who she thought was alright. God showed her in a dream that he had grown up in an abusive home. He showed this young lady being beat up in her dream. So she left him alone after than.       So you see God is not trying to hurt us by telling us to wait on Him or in all our ways acknowledge Him. He is only trying to save us from the enemies tack ticks. Remember a woman carries the favor of God but you must be alone long enough to know who you are, your divine assignment and to rid yourself of the pain of your past. So yes, I stand proud and state loudly, YES I AM SINGLE, SAVED, DELIVERED AND WALKING IN HOLINESS.       I do wish to be married one day, but I have come this far by faith and refuse to go through everything I have gone through only to throw it all to the side for someone God has not preordained for my life. I like many other real single women are waiting on God. I hope that if you are reading this article you are content to do the same.       God Bless You       Wait on the Lord He will give you the desires of your heart, but wait.       Samaria M. Colbert © 2010       Recommended reading:     God is your matchmaker By: Derek Prince God is your matchmaker By: Stephan Kerzog Wholeness in your single and married life CD Series By: Dr Creflo Dollar