Autonomy of An Abuser
Read it, meditate on this, and don't be deceived. Remember no relationship starts off as abusive.
• Batterers have a higher incidence of alcohol and drug use than non batters. (The alcohol does not cause the abuse)
• Batterers tend to have traditional sex-role expectations (male female) and be preoccupied with a "macho" ideal of manhood.
• Despite their display of bravado, many batters have low self-esteem more so than non batterers. They become emotionally dependent on their mates, consequently, feel threatened by the possibility of their departure. This is often manifested as excessive jealousy, possessiveness, control and isolation from those who are supportive of you. (family, friends, etc)
• Batterers frequently lack assertive communication skills and come off as alternatively passive or aggressive. They tend to resolve their emotions and problems through violence.
• Batterers tend to have poor impulse control and show higher levels of hostility than non batterers. Their emotional range tends to be limited to anger, which is expressed through violent behavior.
• Most male batterers experienced or witnessed childhood violence that has gone unresolved.
• Batterers tend to externalize responsibility. They usually refuse to accept responsibility for their behavior, including abusive behavior; instead they blame others for making them angry, thereby excusing their actions
Battered Women As Survivors An Alternative To Treating Helplessness by: Edward W. Gongolf & Ellen Fisher Lexington Books
Please also refer to my previous post entitled: Domestic Violence In Faith Communities.