How to heal from a spiritual Judas?
©2021 Dr. Samaria M Colbert
Betrayal is probably one of the hardest things you will ever go through. It is the pain that most humans will experience at some point in their life. However, it is the mark of the believer. Some of you may be surprised at that statement. As usual I will back up everything I say with scripture.
Matthew 10:21 New Living Translation
21 “A brother will betray his brother to death, a father will betray his own child, and children will rebel against their parents and cause them to be killed.
Betrayal is not really betrayal unless it comes from individuals who you were once close to. In the text in Matthew 10:21 Jesus is explaining to the disciples what they would experience in their ministries. It was his way of preparing them for the pitfall of ministries. The purpose of this blog is not to give you a strategy to avoid the pain of betrayal, rather to comfort those who have experienced betrayal and are in the midst of recovering from the pain.
This blog is meant to give you perspective and put you on the path to help you heal.
Betrayal is the intentional act of deceiving, exposing, and attempting to mislead someone you are close to, and whom you previously trusted. In order for it to meet the definition of betrayal it must come from someone you once trusted or loved unconditionally.
Have you ever loved someone and then came to the realization that they didn’t love you the way you loved them? Love doesn’t intentionally hurt someone. This is why betrayal hurts so much. Strangers can technically hurt you. However, in my opinion the two most painful types of emotional pain, come from when a loved one dies and when someone betrays you. Betrayal can feel like a death. It maybe the death of the relationship or the life you thought you’d have.
Betrayal is an intentional act; it doesn’t happen by accident or coincidence. Betrayal is the act of causing pain to someone you once trusted, had hopes and expectations for. Betrayal is the action of failing to fulfill a promise. Betrayal reveals to you the true nature and character the betrayer. The betrayer didn’t become a betrayer when they acted on the behavior, they were actually betrayers along time ago, their nature was hidden from you.
To betray also means to be unfaithful, to turn one over to the enemy, to expose to harm and to violate trust. The Bible dictionary tells us that a betrayer is proven faithless, treacherous, and to trust a deceiver. Are you seeing the pattern here? The betrayer is first an act, who commits an action. They act like their your friends, or are a committed partner, family or loved one. However, their actions reveal to you who they were all along.
Look at what David said about his betrayers.
Psalm 55:13 New King James Version
13 But it was you, a man my equal,
My companion and my acquaintance.
We took sweet counsel together,
And walked to the house of God in the throng.
A betrayer can be your best friend, or someone who you use to praise God with at church.
Psalm 41:5-9 New Living Translation
5 But my enemies say nothing but evil about me.
“How soon will he die and be forgotten?” they ask.
6 They visit me as if they were my friends,
but all the while they gather gossip,
and when they leave, they spread it everywhere.
7 All who hate me whisper about me,
imagining the worst.
8 “He has some fatal disease,” they say.
“He will never get out of that bed!”
9 Even my best friend, the one I trusted completely,
the one who shared my food, has turned against me.
A betrayer is someone who is motivated by such deception they are actually waiting for you to die. They gossip about you behind your back. They want you to get a fatal disease. They turn against you.
Before we talk about how to heal, let’s discuss why people betray you.
For our discussion we will look at the character profile of Judas. His full name is Judas Iscariot. He was one of the twelve disciples. He saw Jesus perform miracles, signs, and wonders. Jesus revealed mysteries and secrets to his disciples. Judas amongst them. Judas was the treasurer, and a sticky-fingered thief. Meaning he took a little extra from the offering basket if you know what I mean. Judas handed Jesus over and betrayed him for 30 pieces of silver. Judas betrayed Jesus with a kiss. Jesus responded by calling him friend.
What was Judas motivation for betraying Jesus?
Now let’s talk about why people betray you.
Betrayers to this day are often driven by greed. Greed is an intense selfish desire for something, such as wealth, money, power, success, and admiration and to go about it by obtaining it unethically, immorally by deceptive means.
Betrayers withhold information. Remember withholding information is the same as lying about information.
Spiritual Judas’s are motivated by false ambition, (selfish motives), jealousy, and envy. Judas’s has evil desires to take what doesn’t belong to them by deceptive means. Meaning they defraud others. They steal social security numbers, they falsify documents, they commit identity fraud and any type of illegal activity all in an attempt to get money out of someone.
Spiritual Judas’s are covetous, meaning they crave someone else’s possessions, position, and advantage. Spiritual Judas’s have a poverty mentality. They want but are not willing to put in the work to get it. They see your success as a means to an end. Meaning there are people who only hang around you because of what they can get from you, or the benefits of being in your presence. The really don’t like you as a person.
They see being in your presence as an opportunity for advancement, but they could care less about you the person. They have an unhealthy desire for positions, platforms, and titles.
What should you do?
Recognize it for what it is, don’t try to figure it out or rationalize it. Often when we first experience the pain of our own Judas, an individual can be in such shock that they replay over and over again what happened. Ruminating on what happen will only make your heart sick.
As a warning if you try and confront them if they have no conviction, they will first deny, then claim it was some type of misunderstanding or try and say or imply that you knew what they were up to, even though it makes no logical sense.
Remember betrayal is not an overnight action. This has been brewing in the betrayer for some time. They started plotting and planning their actions, then they executed.
Acknowledge your pain before the father. The pain will not go away immediately but pouring your heart out to God postures your heart to heal.
You will heal better when you are not around the betrayer. With the exception of married people. If you and your spouse decide to make your marriage work, you must heal to bond together. Still, you should have your own individual counselors as well as a marriage counselor. Make sure the counselor is going to counsel you with the purpose of reconciliation, not divorce.
Remember to process your pain in therapy.
Determine to forgive, even when it hurts. Forgiveness is for you not the other person. Forgiveness helps you not to live your life in bitterness and resentment.
Ask God what is he teaching you.
Psalm 119:71 New King James Version
71 It is good for me that I have been afflicted,
That I may learn Your statutes.
Other healing scriptures you may find helpful include Psalms 35, 36 and 37.
Set boundaries if this is someone you must interact with.
Remember healing is something you must commit to repeatedly. You will have triggers and have to remind yourself that you are in the process of healing.
Worship amidst your pain, something beautiful is being birth from your hurt.
Isaiah 61:3 New Living Translation
3 To all who mourn in Israel,[a]
he will give a crown of beauty for ashes,
a joyous blessing instead of mourning,
festive praise instead of despair.
In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks
that the Lord has planted for his own glory.
Recognize you are grieving. Grieving is a temporary process not a lifetime sentence. You can grieve someone who is alive. The relationship is dead. You don’t have to be bound the rest of your life by someone who betrayed you.
Be intentional about not allowing bitterness to take root. Don’t ruminate repeatedly about what happened. It happened. Repeating it in your mind won’t change what transpired.
Keep praying until the peace comes. You will get better, you will heal.
Sometimes God must expose betrayers so that you know who is truly for you and not, so you don’t take people into your promise out of loyalty who don’t belong there.
God will send healthy people in your life. Your betrayers are not permanent people in your life God already has their replacement. Sometimes rejection is God’s protection.
1 Corinthians 2:8-9 New Living Translation
8 But the rulers of this world have not understood it; if they had, they would not have crucified our glorious Lord. 9 That is what the Scriptures mean when they say,
“No eye has seen, no ear has heard,
and no mind has imagined
what God has prepared
for those who love him.”[a]
God is going to get the glory out of your life.
Romans 8:28 New Living Translation
28 And we know that God causes everything to work together[a] for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.
© 2021 Dr. Samaria M Colbert