Learned Helplessness Defined:

• GIVING YOUR POWER OVER TO SOMEONE ELSE, FOR THEM TO CONTROL, MANIPULATE, AND DOMINATE YOU AS THEY PLEASE. • YOUR HAPPINESS IS DEFINED BY SOMEONE ELSE’S DEFINITION • I WOULD BE HAPPY BUT, HE OR SHE WON’T LET ME. • YOUR OPINIONS, THOUGHTS, AND FEELING DON’T MATTER. • WALKING ON EGG SHELLS • SECOND GUESS YOURSELF, AT THE SUGGESTION OF ANOTHER. • FEELING POWERLESS AT THE HANDS OF OTHERS. • WHENEVER SOMEONE TELLS YOU TO STAND UP FOR YOURSELF, YOU RESPOND WITH A YEAH BUT… AND THE YEAH BUT…. ALWAYS HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH WHETHER OR NOT SOMEONE ELSE WILL RESPOND NEGATIVELY TO YOUR REQUEST TO BE TREATED RESPECTFULLY.  SOLUTION: • TAKE BACK CONTROL• NO ONE HAS POWER OVER YOU, UNLESS YOU GIVE IT TO THEM.• STOP THE BLAME GAME, IT IS YOUR CHOICE.• DON’T COMPLAIN ABOUT WHAT YOU ALLOW.• NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR A SOB STORY THAT YOU ARE NOT WILLING TO CHANGE.• SET A BOUNDARY AND FOLLOW THROUGH.• YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF YOUR OWN DESTINY.• LIFE, POWER AND SUCCESS IS IN YOUR HANDS, YOU DECIDE TO WIN OR LOSE, ONCE YOU ARE AN ADULT NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU FAIL OR SUCCEED, YOU DO THAT.• STAND UP FOR YOURSELF• YOUR OPINION, VOICE MATTERS!• PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE !!!!!I) START PRACTICING ASSERTIVE RESPONSES IN THE MEANTIME.II) START PRACTICING IN SMALL THINGS. (IE: THE LADY AT THE COUNTER STARTS TO HELP SOMEONE ELSE AFTER YOU HAVE BEEN WAITING, SPEAK UP.)III) ROLL PLAY, PRACTICE WITH ANOTHER SUPPORT PERSON. (YOUR THERAPIST, GOOD FRIEND)IV) DON’T APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE WHEN YOU SPEAK UP “I AM SORRY BUT I CAN’T TAKE YOU TO THE GROCERY STORY TODAY, I HAVE NO GAS.” A SIMPLE “NO” WILL DO.V) FEEL THE GUILT, BUT DON’T LET IT DETOUR YOUR RESPONSE.VI) AVOID ARGUMENTS BY CALMLY SPEAKING YOUR TRUTH AND WALKING AWAY.VII) COUNSELING HELPS• REMEMBER NO ONE CAN BE ANYONE’S EVERYTHING. IF SOMEONE’S HAPPINESS IS DEPENDENT UP BEING AROUND YOU THAT IS NOT A PERSON FOR YOU.• REMEMBER NO ONE CAN BE YOUR EVERYTHING. IF YOUR HAPPINESS IS DEPENDENT UP ON ANOTHER PERSON THAT, THAT PERSON IS NOT FOR YOU. PEOPLE WILL GET TIRED OF HAVING TO CONSTANTLY PUMP YOU, PRY YOU OR TRY YOUR EMOTIONS. IT IS BETTER TO BE ALONE, AND LEARN WHO YOU ARE THAN TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP.• IF YOU CAN’T LOVE BEING BY YOURSELF NO ONE ELSE WILL LOVE BEING AROUND YOU EITHER. • GOD HAS NOT GIVEN US A SPIRIT OF FEAR. • CO-DEPENDENT RELATIONSHIPS ARE SOUL TIES. • HE WILL MAKE US BOLD AS LIONS. • THE ONLY ONE YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE COMPLETELY SOLELY DEPENDENT UPON IS CHRIST, ANYONE ELSE IS IDOLATRY (IDOL WORSHIP). ALLOW THE HOLY SPIRIT TO BREAK YOU FREE FROM LEARNED HELPLESSNESS.DISCONNECT FROM ANYONE WHO IS EMOTIONAL, MENTAL AND SPIRITUALLY DRAINING TO YOU. THIS IS A SOUL TIE. I RECOMMEND READING MY BOOK: SOUL TIES SAMARIA M COLBERT © 2015