 How To Deal With A Hater
© 2022 Dr. Samaria M Colbert Let’s be honest one of the things you will have to deal with as you are on your journey to success is hatred. There is a wonderful side to glowing up and becoming a success story. However the ugly side is that your success breeds jealousy, envy and strife from people you never thought. A hater is not the same as someone who doesn’t like you or doesn’t support you. We are living in a world where everyone thinks that because someone doesn’t purchase or participate in their product, service or seminar then they are hated. You may feel hurt about not being supported but that doesn’t mean you are hated. A hater is someone whose actions are motivated by jealousy and envy. They can’t just be jealous they have a motive and an agenda to bring you down. They want to destroy, kill, and steal your reputation, and pervert our influence. A hater doesn’t like you and wants everyone around you to feel the same way about you. We will look at the life of Nehemiah to discuss how to deal with a hater from a Biblical perspective. I am going to reference scripture I encourage you to read them on your own time. The first thing to know about a hater is that they can’t mind their own business. 1 Thessalonians 4:11 King James Version 11 And that ye study to be quiet, and to do your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you; A hater is someone who has an unhealthy obsession with you. They can’t mind their own business because they are so busy minding yours. In scripture Nehemiah was a man motivated by a mission, a mandate, and a purpose. Principle 1: If you are motivated by a mission, a purpose and mandate that fact alone will trigger a hater. Principle 2: Haters observe you from a distance. They pretend they don’t like you, but they are constantly watching you on social media and otherwise to see what you are doing. Once a hater starts being disrespectful to your face, they are only revealing how they felt about you in secret. Don’t minimize dishonor it is a red flag and only reveals the true nature of the person. In Nehemiah’s case Sanballat, Geshem and Tobia talked in a scoffing like way, with deep hatred about Nehemiah’s pursuit. Reference Nehemiah 2:9 Other things to know about a hater: They are the ones doing all the talking. Haters always bring accusations against you. Haters always need reinforcements, meaning they need to persuade people to be on their side so, they spread lies, accusations and rumors about you behind your back. Reference Nehemiah 2:20 Your haters are very persistent. They keep going and are relentless in their pursuit against you. Don’t be intimidated or distracted just keep going. Your confidence must be in God’s opinion of you not man’s. Reference Nehemiah 4:1-4 (KJV) They will be even more infuriated that you keep going. They also will try and minimize your successes while speaking word curses over your vision, declaring that you won’t succeed. Keep pray and moving forward. They will try and intimidate your purpose and discourage you. Nehemiah 4:15 KJV According to Nehemiah 4:15 God will reveal to you the plot of your haters. Don’t respond in your flesh. God will also frustrate their plans According to Nehemiah 4:16-17, after God revealed the plots of the enemy the people of Israel executed a strategy to keep moving forward. And you guessed it the opposition continued In Nehemiah 6 They continued plotting. They tried to intimidate Nehemiah then provoke the people of Israel to sin. They used a false prophet, came up with false accusations and false rumors. Regardless of the enemies’ strategies against you I encourage you to do like Nehemiah and the people of Israel, just keep going. They eventually did run into victory and accomplished their goal. The best revenge is success. Remember God never promised us weapons wouldn’t form he said they wouldn’t prosper. Isaiah 54:17 King James Version17 No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is of me, saith the Lord. Keep going and don’t give up. You will win in the end © 2022 Dr. Samaria M Colbert  Broken
© 2022 Dr. Samaria M Colbert Broken means to be fractured, damaged, and hurt. When you are broken it cannot be easily resolved by a prayer and a praise. There are deep seated issues that must be resolved. A faith-based therapist can help with the process of resolving deep seated pain. Let’s be honest everyone has experienced brokenness in their life. If they say they have not they are lying to themselves. There is no one person that can judge or look down upon another person’s brokenness. Nevertheless, it is important to note that what happened to us in the past we cannot change. However, our healing is our responsibility. No woman and no man can heal you only God can. You also cannot build a healthy relationship, a business or an organization on the foundation of broken people. Again, our healing and wholeness is our responsibility to seek. Isaiah 53:6 King James Version 6 All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned everyone to his own way; and the Lord hath laid on him the iniquity of us all. Iniquity is grossly unfair treatment or behavior. Where does brokenness come from? In the beginning when Adam and Eve sinned, they ushered us into brokenness that all mankind consequently will experience. Brokenness comes from sin, abuse, trauma, rejection, death, sin, poor choices, history of unhealthy relationships and divorce. Principles that govern brokenness: Experiences create false narratives and replace faith with fear. Only God can heal your brokenness. He does use people such as therapist to help in the process but no one can person heal you. Remember to those are who fixers, you didn’t break it and you can’t fix it. We are taught as single women we should find a broken man to fix then marry. Remember a broken person and a healed person make two broken people who then have a broken relationship. Two broken people make a broken relationship not a whole one. God never gave Adam a broken woman. He also never gave Eve a broken man. Staying in a relationship with a broken person will eventually infect you and affect you. You will be robbed of your sense of self. Eventually it is a spirit that robs you of your identity in God, your anointing and your pursuit of purpose. God matches us in a unique assignment and purpose not our trauma bonds. Trauma bonds are when we are united based upon mutual pain and trauma, not God's purpose. Remember the world is in a proverbial state of brokenness. Signs someone is broken: Easily offended Controlling Manipulative Accusatory Perfectionist Pretenders (They don't connect with you for love, rather to use you.) Mother/father wounds Passive aggressive Performance driven Anxiety/Fear Not agreeable Argumentative Jealous Envy Strife Helplessness Mean spirited Learned helplessness Manipulative Needy Drama Form of godliness Predatorial (they observe you from a distance, shape shift (act) with the intention to use you. Gossip Inappropriate use of social media (they seek validation through social media, underhanded post meant to demean another) Codependency Going from one relationship to another relationship Materialistic A woman who gives you masculine energy A man who gives you feminine energy Doormat Disrespectful And the list goes on. What should you do if you are broken? Acknowledge it before the father. Get rid of codependent relationships. (I recommend the book; Codependent No More) Therapy We identified what happened? Identify the false narrative. What did you believe negatively about yourself as a result of your pain? Go through the process of unraveling, revealing and renewal. Repeat the process over and over again. Other things to know about healing from brokenness: You must fall in love with the word of God and meditate on it, until your thoughts, actions and behavior are a reflection of scripture and not your brokenness. You must be willing As you are already on your journey God will send corrective experiences. Corrective experiences don’t heal you, they are God’s vessel to show you a different narrative. Corrective experiences can be a person, place or situation. Corrective experiences don’t always have to be lifetime experiences or relationships. What if you know someone who is broken? Know you can’t fix it. Encourage them to go to therapy. Acknowledge your own history. I.E. Do you have a history of being a fixer, caretaker, counselor and therefore find yourself in one sided relationships? Set boundaries Determine proper placement. There are some people you have to let go of. Remember healing is the will of God. Let us all pursue it with everything we have. © 2022 Dr. Samaria M Colbert  © 2022 Dr. Samaria M Colbert There is an old saying that goes “not having a plan is planning to fail.” One of the ways I have been able to accomplish so much is because I have been a strategic planner most of my life. I always knew that my choices dictated my destiny. I knew that no matter the prophetic promise over my life there was a part that I had to play as it relates to my purpose and destiny. Don’t get me wrong my life is not perfect, I am not perfect, and my life has not come without unexpected twist and turns. However, I can say being someone that partners with God has been the single most important strategy that has caused me to produce more than most have in a lifetime. That is not to brag but to be a testimonial of what happens when we collaborate with God. Anyone can be a strategic planner and yield results, however true to my work I will give you faith principles that govern kingdom success. Faith Principle #1 God has the plan. If we are going to be successful and guarantee results, we must understand the difference between God’s plan versus our plan. It is his plan that will prevail. Jeremiah 29:11 King James Version 11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Proverbs 19:21 New King James Version21 There are many plans in a man’s heart, Nevertheless the Lord’s counsel—that will stand. Prevail means to win, conquer, prove more powerful. How do we know that God’s plan for us will be successful? Faith principle # 2 God’s plan cannot lie, because He does not lie according to Numbers 23: 19, Titus 1:2, and Hebrews 6:18. Numbers 23:19 King James Version19 God is not a man, that he should lie; neither the son of man, that he should repent: hath he said, and shall he not do it? or hath he spoken, and shall he not make it good? Man can lie. Our emotions will, mind and heart can lie to us but God will never. How is his plan going to manifest. Faith principle # 3 After we seek God for His plan, He will respond. God will speak to you in a way that you can understand, and he is not going to ignite your fear, rather your faith. God speaks in a vision of the night, dream, audible voice, or unction in our spirit. Faith principle # 4 God does not reveal the totality of the promise all that the same time. He reveals what you can handle. Once God speaks write the vision down. 1 Corinthians 13:9 King James Version9 For we know in part, and we prophesy in part. Habakkuk 2:3 King James Version3 For the vision is yet for an appointed time, but at the end it shall speak, and not lie: though it tarry, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry. Faith principle # 5 God has the plan; he also will reveal the way you should take. Way means method, road map, track, or path. You don’t get to follow your way to get to God’s plan. Remember it’s God’s way and God’s plan that we must choose to submit to. I have heard people say once God reveals his plan for your life, you do your own way, and keep going until he tells you to stop. NO! Proverbs 14:12 King James Version12 There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death. Isaiah 55:8-9 King James Version8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. 9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts. Clearly God is telling us that his way and our way are different. We must submit to his way to be successful. Your way your consequences, his way success is our reward. Your choice. It is normal for you to not always understand why God is taking you a certain way or not agree with the way. You still have a choice to submit to his way or not. If God says go then go, if he says stay then stay. If God gave you his plan, why would he not give you, his instructions? After God gives you his instructions write them down along with the plan he gave you. Remember God always promises results. Obedience to his plan and his process always pays off, it doesn’t take long for God to respond however it may not happen right away. You will also not see results right away. Obedience is our responsibility; timing belongs to God. There is always going to be a part you play and a part he plays. He will not do your part. Somethings are obvious, if God tells you, you are going to be a great cosmetologist you must study and get trained. Kobe Bryant says, he gives himself a contract and he doesn’t break the contract with himself. Final words of wisdom. You will always have haters, distracters and frenemies who don’t want you to succeed. Remember God gave you the plan, if he wanted or needed their support, he would have given it to them. Don’t try to convince anyone what God told you. Finally, “Seek to serve and you will discover greatness along the way.” Follow God’s plan. © 2022 Dr. Samaria M Colbert  Proper Placement
© 2022 Dr. Samaria M Colbert Placement simply means to put something or someone in a particular place that is fitting. Placement is dependent upon your talent, skill, ability and need. As a warning placement of people in your life is NOT solely based on need. For example, let’s say you go to a restaurant and the service is slow due to not having enough cooks in the back. You don’t volunteer to cook there if you can’t boil water. Why because even though there is a need you are not qualified to address it. Proper placement of people in your life is vitally important to your success and can impact whether you succeed or fail. You can’t bring everyone and everything into your inner circle. Wrong placement can mean failure in every area of your life. Proper placement is a biblical principle dating back to the beginning of time. Whenever God instructed his people to build something he always used skilled people to accomplish the task. Principles that govern proper placement
Stay focused on your assignment, don’t get distracted. Reference Acts 6 for your life example and then properly place people. Acts 6:1-6 Living Bible 6 But with the believers multiplying rapidly, there were rumblings of discontent. Those who spoke only Greek complained that their widows were being discriminated against, that they were not being given as much food in the daily distribution as the widows who spoke Hebrew. 2 So the Twelve called a meeting of all the believers. “We should spend our time preaching, not administering a feeding program,” they said. 3 “Now look around among yourselves, dear brothers, and select seven men, wise and full of the Holy Spirit, who are well thought of by everyone; and we will put them in charge of this business. 4 Then we can spend our time in prayer, preaching, and teaching.” 5 This sounded reasonable to the whole assembly, and they elected the following: Stephen (a man unusually full of faith and the Holy Spirit), Philip, Prochorus, Nicanor, Timon, Parmenas, Nicolaus of Antioch (a Gentile convert to the Jewish faith, who had become a Christian). 6 These seven were presented to the apostles, who prayed for them and laid their hands on them in blessing. Ten questions you need answered (both individually and organizationally) for proper placement *What is your (their) assignment, purpose, and destiny? *Where are you (they) in fulfilling them? *What is your (their) resume (spiritually and professionally) that qualifies you (them) for position in my life, organization and or ministry? *Where are you (they) in their healing journey? You cannot accomplish anything with someone with unhealed, broken wounds. *What is your (their) plan? Is it in alignment? Are we equally yoked? *What do you (they) value? Is it aligned? *What is your (their) skill set? * What stands out most about you (them)? How are they (you) uniquely a fit or not. * What are your (their) previous patterns? *What have you (they) accomplished up unto this point? *Who are you vs who you say you are? Who are they versus who they say they are? Remember if you have accomplished anything, you will come across people who want to align and impress you so they will hype themselves up to be what they are not or they will minimize huge frailties. You can’t build a relationship, a company a ministry on something you pretend to be. What’s your (their) plan for strategic growth? Is it in alignment? For Organizations: Consider using assessment tools to gage placement. Warning assessment tools only give you a start but shouldn’t be used as the sole deciding factor people change, evolve, and grow. Their value cannot fully be measured based upon a man-made assessment tool. Gallup strengths assessment Spiritual gifts survey (faith-based organizations) Meyers Briggs survey For individuals: What has your previous pain taught you about you and who, what needs to be properly placed in your life? I learned that I can’t do personal relationships with people who don’t have emotional, mental, or spiritual capacity if I am going to fulfill my kingdom assignment. I also can’t do relationships with people who are not driven by God’s purpose for their life. What has your pain taught you? © 2022 Dr. Samaria M Colbert |
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