SIGNS, SOMEONE IS INTIMIDATED BY YOU AND WHAT YOU SHOULD DO ABOUT IT.
©Dr. Samaria M Colbert
Where does intimidation come from? Intimidation means to be timid or fearful, frightened especially to be compelled or deterred. Let me be clear about my intended audience today. I am not referring to you or someone who is intentionally trying to intimidate another. That is for another blog. What I am referring to is when someone is intimidated by you without your knowledge or intention of making them feel that way.
Remember someone else’s intimidation is about their own insecurity, particularly when you are not trying to demean or mistreat them. Sometimes your success is intimidating to someone else. It has nothing to do with you, rather the other person and how they view themselves. You can never change how someone else views you.
This blog comes after I had some very odd experiences. I couldn’t understand why someone would mistreat me or display under handing passive aggressive actions towards me as if I couldn’t clearly see their behavior. In my prayer time the Lord spoke to me and said, “he’s intimidated by you.” Later, I sought the Lord because I didn’t understand why anyone would be intimidated by me. Yes, I am successful, but I don’t have an intimidating personality. I tend to be a quiet, introverted person. I don’t mistreat anyone. Then the Lord spoke to me and said, “as a man thinks in his heart so is he.” He reminded me that this person’s behavior towards me had nothing to do with my actions towards him, rather it had more to do with how he saw himself.
For my singles it is important to note that you don’t want to do relationship with someone who is intimidated by you. Insecurity will show up in the relationship and manifest as jealousy. You can never change someone’s view of themselves, no matter how hard you try.
Let’s start by discussing signs that someone is intimidated by you. The signs we will discuss are in no particular order.
This is for those who are in in the corporate workplace. This symptom is particularly near and dear to my heart because I see so many clients who experience increase in stress and anxiety in the workplace due to office politics.
When this happens you may have another coworker or even a superior who is trying to undermine you and make you appear as if you are incompetent. They are secretly insecure and believe you have a vested interest in trying to take their position.
The one that is intimidated may do things like make accusations about you as an employee that are not true. They make nice nasty inferences that you are not responsible or incompetent of doing your job.
If this happens nothing you do is right they are always waiting, watching and preying on you to get it wrong. Only to try and prove you are what they have thought about you even though it is not true.
False Accusations Against Your Character
Someone who is intimidated by you has already decided about who they think you are. Their opinion of you is most time always negative because it is based upon their own insecurity. Out of their insecurity they will accuse you. Apparently even though it is not true you are “rude, think you’re better than them, bougie, and a snob.”
When a person is gaslighting you, they are the perpetrator of the offense, but they project it on you as if you have done something wrong. You will find this behavior in the workplace and in manipulative relationships amongst, family, friends, and romantic partners.
Passive aggressive behavior is when someone refuses to address you directly. They come off as cold, uncaring, distance, and emotionally absent.
Emotional abuse/emotional unavailable
Someone who is intimidated by you secretly sees you as someone to compete with. In their eyes you are wining and subconsciously you must be subdued.
They are afraid of you because they see the hand of God on your life. They also observe you responding wisely and are therefore afraid. I know it doesn’t sound correct but go with me it will make sense.
1 Samuel 18:12 New Living Translation
12 Saul was then afraid of David, for the Lord was with David and had turned away from Saul.
1 Samuel 18:29 New Living Translation29 Saul became even more afraid of him, and he remained David’s enemy for the rest of his life.
1 Samuel 18:14-15 New King James Version14 And David behaved wisely in all his ways, and the Lord was with him.
15 Therefore, when Saul saw that he behaved very wisely, he was afraid of him.
These are individuals who feel the need to impress you, so they make things more than what it is.
These are people who minimize your successes or make light of it.
These are people who straight up lie. They say you did things you didn’t do, say they heard you say things you didn’t say and imply that you have motives that are not true. The scripture calls this wicked imaginations.
Proverbs 6:16-19 New International Version16 There are six things the Lord hates,
seven that are detestable to him:
17 haughty eyes,
a lying tongue,
hands that shed innocent blood,
18 a heart that devises wicked schemes,
feet that are quick to rush into evil,
19 a false witness who pours out lies
and a person who stirs up conflict in the community.
Gossip and slander
Anyone who gossips about another is secretly intimidated by them.
They see you as the enemy even though you don’t see them that way.
They feel negative about you so they want others to feel negative about you. They are often angry and resentful towards people who treat you with respect and kindness.
They believe their thoughts, about you are true.
Just because you think a thought about someone doesn’t make it so. Often our thoughts about another is driven by our own insecurity. Christians will try to spiritualize their insecurity by calling it a spiritual gift, discernment, or prophecy. They are delusional to believe their assignment is to use their prophetic office to expose and bring others down. This is not a spiritual gift or assignment rather rooted in the same spirit that drove satan to deceive a third of the angels, the same spirit that drove King Saul to try to kill David. It is a spirit that is not of God.
What should you do?
Remain confident of what God has said about you. Other people’s opinion of you doesn’t matter. Your identity must be rooted and grounded in God’s opinion of you not people.
Recognize that people who don’t have a positive view about you, don’t have a positive view about themselves. These people don’t like themselves why would they think positive about you? They can’t project what they don’t have. Loving others first starts with how you love and feel about yourself.
Don’t personalize their behavior or cause their behavior to cause you to question yourself worth and identity.
Don’t compromise or come down to their level.
Keep your words few. Don’t try to change their opinion of you.
For those in the workplace, keep documents, emails, certificates, any form of written communication. Remember they are trying to build a case against you, you need your own file that contradicts their file.
Pray for them.
Romans 12:14-20 New Living Translation
14 Bless those who persecute you. Don’t curse them; pray that God will bless them. 15 Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with each other. Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all!
17 Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. 18 Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.
19 Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say,
“I will take revenge;
I will pay them back,”[a]
says the Lord.
“If your enemies are hungry, feed them.
If they are thirsty, give them something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap
burning coals of shame on their heads.”[b]
It is very hard to hate someone who you are praying for and asking God to bless. I want to address a false narrative I saw on Facebook. An individual said that it is wrong for a Christian to want revenge or vindication. This is not true. God in His nature said that he will take revenge. In another translation it reads God is a God of “vengeance, I will repay.”
This individual claimed that because we are under the grace covenant these desires are wrong. Not true. Apostle Paul who gave us the doctrine of grace, is clearly quoting Old Testament, but vengeance falls under the category of a part of the new covenant as well. So, what is the answer.
Galatians 6:7-9 New King James Version
7 Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. 8 For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life. 9 And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.
We don’t seek vengeance for ourselves. Vengeance is a part of the nature of God and is a righteous act that only belongs to Him. We don’t have the power, authority, or permission to take vengeance. You cannot claim that vengeance within itself is wrong when the scripture even under the New Testament grace is CLEARLY telling us that the nature of God is to avenge you and according to Galatians what a man sows, he will reap. Again this is under the new covenant of grace.
We wait on God. Pray for our enemies. Remember God doesn’t relish or take pleasure in the demise of your enemies. He uses vengeance to bring them back into alignment with Him.
Ezekiel 33:11 New King James Version11 Say to them: ‘As I live,’ says the Lord God, ‘I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but that the wicked turn from his way and live. Turn, turn from your evil ways! For why should you die, O house of Israel?’
So, we must pray that those who are enemies get their hearts postured into right relationship with God.
Vindication is not a bad thing. It means the action of clearing someone of blame or suspicion to prove that someone or something is right, reasonable, or justified.
I don’t care how spiritual you are, we all want our name cleared.
Vengeance is not a bad thing either. Vengeance means to harm someone who has harmed you. Often the vengeance of God comes in the form of recompense. It means God himself will compensate you for the pain you were caused in front of those who caused you the pain. Technically your enemy is not physically harmed but they feel the emotional pain of seeing you succeed despite their best efforts to stop you.
Psalm 23:5 New King James Version5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
When you respond wisely God responds by blessing you. Another reason to pray for your enemies.
Matthew 5:43-48New Living TranslationTeaching about Love for Enemies43 “You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’[a] and hate your enemy. 44 But I say, love your enemies![b] Pray for those who persecute you! 45 In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike. 46 If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. 47 If you are kind only to your friends,[c] how are you different from anyone else? Even pagans do that. 48 But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect.
When you pray for your enemies, it doesn’t mean that you are releasing them without consequences. It means you are releasing them to God, while clearing you of bitterness, and unforgiveness. That doesn’t mean God won’t vindicate you or avenge you.
Remember you can’t mistreat a child of God and think you’ll get away with it. God gives them grace; time and He is patiently waiting for them to turn away from sin and repent.
It’s okay to separate yourself. Remember forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciliation.
If you’re in the workplace or church, make sure God has released you. Sometimes God allows us to be in a painful place to develop us.
Pray for protection.
Honor the position even if you can’t honor the person.
Remember your validation comes from God.
Psalm 75:6-7 King James Version6 For promotion cometh neither from the east, nor from the west, nor from the south.
7 But God is the judge: he putteth down one, and setteth up another.
Seek God, in your prayer time He will tell you what is going to happen. After you hear from God and you will hear from God be quiet and wait on God. He will do just as he said.
Finally remember intimidation is a spirit of fear, satan wants to remove you from your position of authority in Christ Jesus. Don’t let him do it.
In the end it is only a test. In the end you will win if you don’t give up.
I am praying for you.
© 2021 Dr. Samaria M Colbert