For single women...as a therapist I often have to say the same thing to different clients.
1. If a man is truly interested in you he WILL pursue you. If he is not pursuing you take the hint.
2. If a man half pursues you leave him alone. Remember Christian women Ahab wants a wife to, regardless of how unfit he is to be a husband. If he expects you to be the man and him to be the woman and you are not in a relationship, it doesn't get better from there. Save yourself wasted time and energy.
3. Your are enough!!!! You do not have to change, dumb yourself down, minimize your success, or play yourself small in order to say you have a man. The man that God has for will be able to lead you, cover you and protect you. Your success will not deter a real man who is not intimidated by you.
4. There is no such thing as a man over thirty who is "just shy." That is the excuse woman use to excuse a man's behavior.
5. Sex outside of marriage, living with a man that is not your spouse is not of God. Masturbation, inappropriate sexual touching, oral sex is still WRONG outside of marriage! Holiness is still right!
6. If you are over 30 you have to date with a purpose at this point you are not interested in dating to "see where things go". Either this is going to head to marriage within the next 6 months to a year or you are not the one and you are wasting time. State what you want up front, if they don't want the same thing LET THEM GO! You don't have time to waste to see if they will change their minds.
7. You need to understand what your vision, purpose and God's plan is for your life is. They need to articulate what their vision, purpose and God's plan is for their life. If they can't articulate it, don't know where they are going, and can't have a decent conversation, saying something other than "what are you doing?" Let the go! You are wasting your time.
8. Standards, expectations and boundaries. Say it with me, "standards, expectations and boundaries." One more time say it again, "standards, expectations and boundaries." One more time for the people in the back. (ok just kidding, no I am not)
9. Remember everyone doesn't have good taste. Common sense is not so common. Stupid is as stupid does. Never forget these words of wisdom.
10. People often look good on paper. They can sell you a mirage, but looking good on paper and being the whole truth are two completely different things. Rachet comes in all different shapes, sizes, titles, positions, and dispositions. Don't be deceived by what you see.
Bonus: Let God lead you. Repeat, "let God lead me."
Psalm 37:23 (KJV)
23 The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way.
Psalm 37:4 (ESV)
4 Delight yourself in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
God will give you the desires of your heart. If he is not your hearts desire. Keep it moving.
Pick up my book: Worth The Wait
“A woman’s heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her.”
It is okay to guard your heart.
Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)
23 Above all else, guard your heart,
for everything you do flows from it.
I am convinced that a lot of heart ache, pain, and wasted years could be avoided if we simply guard our heart. When someone gets in your heart it is hard to get them out. Have a guarded heart versus having walls up they are two completely different things. Walls come as a result of hurt. A guarded heart is a result of being clear about who you are in Christ, again there is a difference. When a man is truly interested in you, He will pursue God first to inquire about you. God is your over protective Father. He will either approve or deny access. You have a responsibility to guard your heart until you hear from God and until He seeks God's favor for your heart.
NEVER FORGET IT!