What to do when you struggle with feeling intimidated by another?
© 2021 Dr. Samaria M Colbert
Intimidation is a spirit of fear. When a person is intimidated, they struggle with anxiety. Remember you will never get free from what you are in denial about.
First it is important to understand that intimidation really has more to do with how you feel about yourself.
Proverbs 23:7 King James Version
7 For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he:
Remember the story of Moses who sends out spies to view the land God has promised them.
Numbers 13:31-33 New Living Translation31 But the other men who had explored the land with him disagreed. “We can’t go up against them! They are stronger than we are!”
32 So they spread this bad report about the land among the Israelites: “The land we traveled through and explored will devour anyone who goes to live there. All the people we saw were huge.
33 We even saw giants[a] there, the descendants of Anak. Next to them we felt like grasshoppers, and that’s what they thought, too!”
Look at the language of the people of Israel. God won’t give you a promise that you can’t apprehend. The people of Israel had a negative view of themselves, therefore they assumed that they were perceived negatively. They also had a negative view of their capabilities.
Yet there were two other spies named Joshua and Caleb. Let’s look at their report.
Numbers 13:30 New Living Translation
30 But Caleb tried to quiet the people as they stood before Moses. “Let’s go at once to take the land,” he said. “We can certainly conquer it!”
How is it that a group of people saw the same thing, one group had a negative scary report the other had a positive report? Because it had everything to do with how they saw themselves. Caleb was confident in himself and God therefore he knew they could conquer the land. The other lacked confidence in themselves and God. Who you really put your trust in determines your results.
Let’s discuss signs a person struggles with feeling intimidated.
They have a poor view of themselves or superficial view. Meaning they get confidence in what they achieve not who they are. This is also known as performance driven behaviors or people pleasers.
Prideful, meaning they have an unhealthy view of self or are self-focused. Pride can manifest as confidence, but it is underlying insecurity.
They compare themselves to another and place themselves as inferior.
Individuals who are only attracted to other people with low self-esteem struggle with the intimidation.
Constant need for validation, is a sign of insecurity.
Gossip. Anyone who gossips about another or is entertained by the downfall of another person is secretly intimidated by them.
These are individuals who believe false narratives about themselves or others. They say things like, “no one can be trusted, all women can’t be trusted.”
One of my YouTube subscribers wrote, “jealousy is a secret sin and it’s never in plain sight, that’s why you have to be careful who you allow in your circle.” I absolutely agree.
These are individuals who won’t go for promotions or a promise that God has intended for them to have due to intimidation. The people of Israel who spoke the negative report and believed it, didn’t make it to the promise. Imagine being feet away from the thing God has promised you all your life and miss it due to your own mindset.
Secretly believing you are not good enough
Unhealthy, impure, sense of self. This looks like the women you see on television or social media. Society thinks the more women show their bodies the more beautiful they are. So, everything is fake, BBL’s, breast implants, nose jobs, lip fillers, sew in’s down past the but, fake nails, globs of make up to the point where you look like a different nationality. I am not against nails, hair and makeup. I am suggesting that some, (hence the word some) use these things to cover up insecurity and intimidation.
Underlying belief that you can’t do something. Remember the people of Israel said, “we are not able.”
This is so important because remember the anointing flows from your God confidence.
Difficulty believing what God says about you.
Jealousy in relationships (these are controlling, manipulative relationships.) They secretly believe they are not good enough and will leave you for someone else.
They use titles to give them a false sense of self-worth. Remember having a title or position is not the same as having an anointing.
Difficulty with people in authority or submitting to authority. Often these individuals are intimidated by authoritative personalities.
Easily offended and defensive.
Desire to hide or stay hidden.
What should you do?
The goal is to change your view of yourself, not how others see you, and not try and expect others to change for you.
The root cause is the spirit of rejection. Rejection can be apparent in three ways real/perceived rejection, self-rejection, and fear of rejection.
Start by identifying your root, where did it come from? Was there a specific moment, or series of incidents that triggered you to feel rejected? Identify what you learned and what you need to unlearn.
Confront the false belief (what you need to unlearn), with what God has to say about you.
Remember this an intentional step by step process, it is not an overnight sensation.
After you identify the false narrative you must meditate on scripture, until your thoughts, actions and behaviors reflect scripture.
Joshua 1:8 New Living Translation
8 Study this Book of Instruction continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do.
The more word you get in you the better you will feel.
Meditation is not the same as this new age meditation. New age meditation is about self-worship. Christian meditation is about meditating on the goodness of God.
Isaiah 26:3 New King James Version
3 You will keep him in perfect peace,
Whose mind is stayed on You,
Because he trusts in You.
Scripture meditation changes your brain chemistry.
Get around people who challenge you, not pacify you.
Ask God for corrective experiences.
It’s okay to affirm yourself in what God says about you.
Be careful who you have in your personal space, there are some who have a vested interest in keeping you stagnant. Remember as you grow certain people won’t go the journey with you. You will outgrow some people.
Be intentional about where you place your thoughts.
Philippians 4:8 New Living Translation
8 And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.
2 Corinthians 10:5 New King James Version
5 casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ,
Change your environment and your routine. Once you expose yourself to new things your eyes are open to the possibilities of what you can become.
My favorite things of 2021 was visiting the Billy Graham Museum in Charlotte NC. Although I don’t aspire to be Billy Graham, seeing his life made a profound impact on me and encouraged me to be bold about my faith. If you haven’t, I highly recommend going to the Billy Graham Museum. You can also read and study the lives of others. Remember scripture says we overcome when we hear others tell their testimony.
Revelation 12:11 King James Version
11 And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death.
Go to therapy
Go to therapy
Go to therapy
By the way did I mention go to therapy.
And then go to therapy.
Remember God is your father. Fathers provide, protect, and give identity. When we struggle with intimidation often times, we experience fear in those three areas. Is God going to provide for me? Is he going to protect me? Who am I?
The more you grow in your relationship with God, the fear and intimidation leaves.
1 John 4:18 King James Version
18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.
Jeremiah 31:3 New Living Translation
3 Long ago the Lord said to Israel:
“I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love.
With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself.
You are beloved of God.
© Dr. Samaria M Colbert 2021